You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
