omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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