I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
that's an acceptable place to lick
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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