i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
