words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
