just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
