He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
