Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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