fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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