At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
