Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
