i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
