The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
