I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
