I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
