why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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