We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Holy sore nipples Batman
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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