Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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