suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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