The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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