Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
