I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
