I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Randomize
