I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
