If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
