are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
