So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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