Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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