a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
