i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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