apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
