I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
