somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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