It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
