I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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