I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
