Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
