Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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