Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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