Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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