Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
