Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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