Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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