she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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