I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
