did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
