After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
