How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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