Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
porn star boner night. come get it.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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