Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
