She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
