i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
