I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
