I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
